Fake It
by Hattiee
Summary: Haunted by her past, Erza Scarlet is hiding her feelings fiercely from everyone she knows. But maybe just one girl has the power to see through her brave face, and even save her life. ErLu (Erza/Lucy) TW: self harm
1. Chapter 1

In a land far, far away, lies the Kingdom of Fiore, a small peaceful nation of 17 million, and a place filled with magic! Found in every home, bought and sold in every marketplace, for most, magic is merely a tool, a mundane part of everyday life. For some, however, magic is an art, and they have devoted their lives to its practice. These are the mages. Banded together into magical guilds they apply their skills in search of fame and fortune. Many such guilds dot the landscape of Fiore. But there is a certain guild in a certain town that soars high above the rest, one from which countless legends have been born... a guild that will no doubt continue to create legends well into the future. Its name... is Fairy Tail.

The leader of Fairy Tail, Master Makarov is a legend in himself. Under his guidance, every member of Fairy Tail can fulfil their whole potential. But that's not all - everyone is accepting and welcoming to all. They are, in fact, all one big family!  
Though of course, they cannot all work together all of the time. When they undertake smaller, everyday jobs, the guild often splits into smaller teams, who are very close to one another. There's The Thunder Legion, Shadow Gear, and of course the Strongest Team. Possibly the most powerful team to ever come from Fairy Tail! Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Lucy Heartfilia, Happy, and occasionally Wendy Marvell and Carla make up the most of this team. With the addition of one more member. Erza Scarlet.

Likely to be the most powerful member of the Strongest Team (Though Natsu would never admit it!) - and definitely the bossiest! She led them well, and appeared to be one of the happiest and outgoing mages around. Although being extremely close to her fellow team members, she could not share with them her well hidden troubles. In that respect, she was all alone.

Apart from the individual teams, the guild is close as a whole. Everyone knows that if they ever get into a spot of trouble, they can count on their Fairy Tail friends to have their backs. They also know how to have a good laugh! A vast majority of the time, the guildhall is a lively, good-hearted yet chaotic place. You can always count on Cana to have a vast barrel of beer to hand; Natsu and Gray to have a bust-up; and Mirajane to be the sensible one around - striving for peace. Nonetheless, they are the loudest, happiest bunch for miles around.

However. Once the sun has gone down, everyone's sauntered home, the noise is extinguished. Except... sometimes the silence of the night was broken. By the faint sound of sobbing.

* * *

It wasn't the first time that Erza Scarlet had stayed behind after hours. The Master had given his permission, and although he worried privately about her reasons, he didn't think too much of it. Other pressing matters often demanded his attention.

The guildhall was completely empty. Erza sat hugging her knees, face buried in the folds of her skirt. She was sat up by the bell tower overlooking the sleeping town of Magnolia. All day, she'd been laughing and joking with her friends in Fairy Tail, and of course, being her usual no-nonsense, fearsome self. But now, all alone, she had no one to hide her sadness from. No need to fake it. Her smiles, that was, all day everyday; she was so tired of it. But she could only let her true feelings show when there was no one around to see her.

Her eyes brimmed over with silvery tears. The painful memories threatened to overcome her.  
"Fuck it," was her fleeting thought, as she allowed the flood barrier to burst. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she sobbed, until weariness overcame her and she succumbed to a troubled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Work harder, you puny little runt," the leather-clad brute of a man barked, thrashing the tiny crimson-haired girl viciously across the shoulder blades. Her comrades watched silently, rooted to the spot in fear._

_Bleeding_ _hands and a body full of bruises. The hopeless feeling inside was eternal; the terror constant._

_Endless toiling, abuse, tears, bloodshed, loss._

_Jeering taunts, echoing in the passages. Cries of:  
__"What a weakling. She's barely worth keeping alive."_

_"How are you still fighting us, Red?"_

_"You're worth nothing, nothing to anyone, and you never will be."_

_"Just GET UP AND WORK!"_

_"Isn't she ugly?"_

_"Useless."_

_"Worthless."_

_"Probably the weakest of all of them!"_

_"Where's that blue-haired boy to protect you now, huh?"_

_"Let's have some...fun with you, little one!"_

_*Pained screams echo in the distance*_

* * *

Erza woke violently, letting out a short scream, with tears pouring down her face - before realizing her true location. She was...safe?  
Yes, the familiar surroundings of her guild proved it, still hidden up by the bell tower where no one could find her. She mopped her tears and checked the sky. Almost 5am, she made it. No one would be around for a couple more hours. She got to her feet unsteadily, trying to shake off the grip of her nightmare. Gazing across the dimly lit scenery of Magnolia, Erza mused over everything she'd been through. The people she'd failed to save. Her own terrible guilt at still being alive, while her loved ones weren't. The pain of watching their torture, and the pains of her own abuse. She shook for a minute, before stating forcefully to the sky:  
"No! I'll never let myself get hurt by anyone, EVER AGAIN!"

She didn't need anyone. Nobody could help her anyway. Not even Porlyusica, who'd done so much for her in the past - tending to her wounds when she first joined Fairy Tail, after escaping The Tower Of Heaven. And more importantly: her right eye, lost by the hands of her abusive captors. When she thought about it, that eye was the thing that enabled her to become such an accomplished warrior (that, and the desperate need for a distraction.) Without her new eye, she feared she would never have been able to become so skilled - how else would she be able to judge her enemies' moves, and make her own so efficiently? For that, she was truly grateful.  
But still, she didn't feel like she was able to confide in Porlyusica about her troubles. Perhaps the apparent loathing of humans she had was what deterred Erza - even though she secretly had a soft spot for the little scarlet-haired girl whose life had been renewed by her hand. Anyhow, Erza was FINE without her. Or so she insisted to herself.

It was a similar situation with Master Makarov. Although he was the closest thing Erza had to a father, after losing both parents many years before, he was awfully busy. Quite honestly, she felt her problems weren't worth his trouble. And also the fact he was a sucker for gossip, and wasn't entirely sure she could have trusted him to keep his mouth shut.  
However, he wasn't completely oblivious; he'd had suspicions that Erza wasn't the happiest of people. Spending a lot of time at the guildhall alone, after hours was hardly normal behaviour for a girl Erza's age. But he knew it wasn't his place to get involved without her permission - and anyhow, surely it couldn't be anything too serious troubling Erza? Well… he couldn't be right about _everything_.

And the rest of the guild... of course, the events of the Tower were no secret around the guild. Everyone knew and sympathized, but none had a clue of the real damage those events (not to mention her _other_ problems) had caused Erza. So she suffered in silence.

She retreated into the shadows again, and made a swift re-equip from her Heart Kreuz armour into a simple tank top and cropped jogging pants. In her hand rested the tiniest weapon she possessed: a sword with the exact dimensions of a Claymore - except it was the length of her index finger, and sharper than a razor blade. Her slender arms, now free from her gauntlets, were exposed, revealing hundreds of small pink scars running along her skin. Some old and faded; some looking red and raw, fresher cuts. Her tears dripped softly onto her arms again, stinging her wounds as they landed. She traced the scars with her fingers. So many memories, permanently etched onto her body. It had been the only thing that had kept her going, all through her dark past and into the future.  
Her gauntlets always covered the marks, so not a soul had ever found out about her little secret. Even whilst at the Tower, all the prisoners were so covered in cuts and bruises, no one could have possibly realized that _those_ were self inflicted.  
"I'm sorry," whispered Erza, bringing the tiny blade to her skin. She tried to be strong; she WAS strong. But sometimes she just had to give in to the urges and let herself cope. So that, she did.


	3. Chapter 3

A bird crowed, as the sun rose over Magnolia. Erza sat, motionless in the shadows, face set like stone. Her arms, now bandaged tightly and concealed with armour were throbbing. But she felt much better; she could concentrate on the pain now, to help her fake happiness later on.

She had at least half an hour before the guildhall would spring to life again, so she re-equipped into her Heart Kreuz armour and forced her face into a grin, as she looked at her reflection in a nearby mirror. It would take a very practiced eye to see through that smile! Then she watched the clouds for a while, having nothing else to do - until the doors to the guildhall burst open.

"I'm all fired up!" came a roar from below, as the Fire Dragon Slayer leaped into the building. Natsu was quite a one for making an entrance. He stopped short, realizing he was the first to arrive. Shortly behind him flew Happy, entering with a muffled:

"Aye sir!" (There was a fish in his mouth.)

"Looks like it's just you and me, buddy!" Laughed Natsu, hurdling the bar to get to the food.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, Natsu," said a voice from behind. He gaped and dropped the pie he'd just snaffled from the kitchen area. Erza stood at the top of the stairs, an evil-looking smirk on her face.

"I wasn't doing anything, ma'am! Just, ah, tidying up back here, you know?" Natsu grinned sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. Erza reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Well I'll let you off, just this once. But if you even think about touching any of my cake, you're dead meat, got it? Oh, and Natsu, Happy? At least wait until Mira gets here, would you?"

"Aye!" chorused Natsu and Happy, just as Mirajane, Macao, and Evergreen arrived.

"What's going on here?" asked Mirajane, sweetly. Erza filled them in, and everyone settled down, more people arriving all the time.

It wasn't long before the volume escalated to deafening levels, and everyone who wasn't out on a job had arrived. Predictably, Cana was downing a barrel of beer with no problems - even _that _early in the morning! Levy was reading, whilst Jet and Droy cheered for her (she had no idea why), and Happy was attempting to impress Carla. Lucy sat next to Cana and Bisca, and was talking to Mirajane.

"Hey Mira! Any good jobs going at the moment?"

"I'm not sure, Lucy. Why not look and see what takes your fancy? I trust you'll be going with Natsu?"

"Actually, I was thinking of going alone. Haven't you noticed? Natsu's been kinda... wrapped up with Lisanna right now!"

"Oh... sorry Lucy. He's just glad to have her back again. We all are," said Mirajane, tears of happiness welling in her eyes.

"Hey! It's not like I'm jealous of her, Mira! She's my friend," protested Lucy.

"Yeah," Cana interjected, "It's so obvious you're not into guys in _that_ way. I knew it even before you told me!"

"Keep it down, would you?!" hissed Lucy. Although Cana was absolutely right, Lucy wasn't ready for anyone else to know yet. Only Cana and Levy had been trusted with her secret so far. Not for long, though.

"Oh. My. Goodness! Lucy, I'm so so so so so so so so sorry for all those times I tried to set you up with guys!" exclaimed Mirajane.

"Gee thanks Cana, bigmouth," said Lucy in annoyance. "But Mira! Are you...okay with that?"

"Of course! Why ever wouldn't I be? Don't worry, I can keep a secret," Mirajane smiled back.

"Good," growled Lucy, turning bright red. Bisca, who luckily hadn't heard their conversation, got up at that point to check the request board. Spotting the free seat, Levy scooted across the room to join Lucy and the others.

"Hey guys! Sorry about the intrusion, I've had just about enough of Jet and Droy in my ears for one day - Oh! You okay there Lucy? Your face looks about the same colour as Erza's hair!" Cana chortled at Levy's comparison, and explained that Mira had 'found out', and Lucy was embarrassed.

"Aww," Levy poked Lucy, "you don't need to be embarrassed about it! It's who you are, and we'd accept you no matter what; you're our friend!"

"Thanks Levy. Mira. And okay, sorry I got cross with you, Cana."

"Heh, it's okay Lucy. I'll keep the volume down next time."

"Next time?!" The other three laughed at Lucy's face.

"Just kidding!"

* * *

A few tables away, surrounded by tables full of loud guild-mates, Erza sat alone. She nibbled her favourite strawberry cake slowly and thoughtfully, whilst not conveying a single emotion on her face. Lucy glanced over at her. She sure didn't look very happy. Levy and Cana saw her looking, and began lightly teasing her about it.

"Ooh Lucy? You got the hots for our Erza?"

"Yeah Lucy! Do you dream of kissing those -"

"Enough!" yelled Lucy. "I do NOT fancy Erza!" she blushed furiously. "Well maybe just a little bit... but shut up, you guys!"

"Aww," said Levy, "Lucy, you're so cute - hey, where'd Mira go?" Lucy, Levy and Cana peered over the bar, to find Mirajane lying flat on the floor, whispering:  
"So cute!" with little hearts in her eyes.

"Mira! Cana! Levy!" Now that she had their attention, Lucy sat them down again. "Guys, can we be serious for a minute. Not even thinking about any of my potential personal feelings... do you think Erza is okay?"  
The other three looked over at Erza. Levy was the first to speak.

"Well, apart from the fact she's alone, she looks all right to me."

"Yeah," said Cana, after a mouthful of beer. "She's got her cake, so she'll be fine. You'd only need to worry if you see Erza without it!" She joked. Mirajane patted Lucy's shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing," in her usual comforting way. Lucy smiled.

"I guess you're right. Thanks for putting my mind at rest!"

But inside, Lucy was troubled.


	4. Chapter 4

Lucy didn't have much time to think the matter over, however, as at that moment there was an almighty crash. Gray was sat astride Natsu and attempting to pummel him - whilst dodging fireballs.

"Get off me, you old pervert! And put some clothes on!"

"What did you call me?" growled an angry Gray, seizing a nearby table and bringing it down on the Salamander's head. Natsu ducked with expertise, aiming a punch of his own at his opponent.  
And set fire to the ceiling...

"Natsu!" screamed Mirajane, in frustration. "Juvia, now!" Juvia obliged, with mutters of:

"I hope Gray-sama is all right," as she sent a stream of water at the blazing rafters, extinguishing it efficiently. It smouldered gently.

By this time, several other members had gotten involved, and it had turned into a massive brawl on the floor. Gajeel, Elfman and Macao were throwing punches at random. Freed looked like he might join in at any second, while Lisanna squawked from the middle, as she tried to escape to safety. Lucy hid behind the bar.

"That's. Enough."

A shadow fell across the rabble, and everyone froze in fear. They all slunk away, leaving a dishevelled Gray and Natsu in a heap on the floor. Erza picked one up in each hand.

"How many times must I tell you? Stop getting into petty fights, or the guildhall will get destroyed. Again! Now, Master Makarov has left me in charge while he's away, so please behave!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" the pair chorused in terror.

"And that goes for all of you." Those who had been involved shivered. "But if you _have_to fight, at least take it outside! I'm sure I don't need to remind you not to break anything else, or you'll be in serious trouble."  
With that, Erza let them both drop on to the floor, where they clutched at each other in relief. Her eyes scanned the room, before landing on Lucy (who was still hiding under the bar.) She walked over to Lucy, before extending a gauntleted hand towards her. Lucy blinked, before grabbing hold. As she was lifted off of the floor, she felt a hot blush rising to her cheeks.

"Uh..th-thanks Erza!"

"It's no problem. I'm sorry you got thrown into this. I should have intervened sooner."

"Oh - it's okay, I don't mind!" By this time, Lucy was even redder than Erza's hair. Luckily for Lucy, Erza was oblivious. She set Lucy down gently onto a bar stool, before turning back to Natsu and Gray. Meanwhile, Lucy fanned herself - no matter how hard she denied it, she had it bad for Erza.

"Natsu, Gray. I'm not finished with you yet. As a punishment for the damage you caused, the two of you are to take this job request." Erza waved a piece of paper at them. "The reward money will pay for the damage. And if I hear ANYTHING about the two of you fighting whilst on the job, I won't be nearly so nice to you next time, got it?"

The Ice Mage and the Fire Dragon Slayer saluted mutely and darted out of the double doors as fast as they could. Gildarts gave a hearty chuckle, with a call of:

"Nice one, Erza!"

She smiled at him (he hadn't been involved with the fight of course) before disappearing to monitor the request boards.

Cana and Levy perched either side of Lucy at the bar again. They giggled at her face, instantly knowing who was the cause of the colour change.  
Lucy, who had suddenly started feeling quite low, shushed them.

"Look guys, please don't. I know I don't have the slightest chance of being with her. I'm not nearly good enough for someone like her - and at any rate, I don't even think she's in to women. And sometimes, well... it gets me down," she admitted. "Quite a bit..." Lucy sighed sadly.

"Oh Lu," said a sympathetic Levy, hugging her. "We're sorry. But you should never give up on your dreams. You'd have a good a chance as anyone, with Erza - providing she does like girls. You just need to stop being so shy around her."

"Yeah," Cana added, "Don't you dare give up hope until you have proof there's nothing between you. It would be such a shame to lose her if she liked you too.."

"Thanks, you guys," said Lucy, with a small smile dancing on her lips. "I guess I feel a little better now."

* * *

Meanwhile, Happy was zooming around the guildhall, looking distraught.

"I can't believe Natsu would just leave without me!"  
He spied a vaguely easy-looking job request, and snatched it. After landing on Lucy's head, Happy pleaded "Come with me Lucy? Natsu's left us, and it doesn't feel right here without him. I want him to be proud of me when he returns... please Lucy, please?"

"Well..." pondered Lucy. "I guess I've got nothing else on!"

"Yay yay yaaaaaaaaaaayyy!"

"Okay, let's go!" grinned Lucy. Before they could make a move however, Cana elbowed Lucy.

"Go on, here's your chance! Ask Erza along too, and you can have some quieter time together."

"Hmm, okay!" Lucy shook herself. She'd never get Erza's attention unless she was brave enough to go for it, so she stepped forwards. Levy, Mira and Cana gave her the thumbs up from behind.

"Hey, um Erza?"

"Yes Lucy?"

"I was wondering, would you like to come on this job with me and Happy? I-I mean you don't have to, just if you'd like to, or-or you might not _like_ to, but if you were bored or something..? Lucy blushed furiously. Damn it, she'd messed up again. Thankfully, Erza didn't seem to mind her stumblings.

"I'm sorry Lucy. I'd have loved to go with you two, but Master has left me in charge, remember? So I can't exactly leave this lot to look after themselves, can I?" Erza smiled, as genuinely as she could manage. In truth, she had a lot of other things on her mind, and she really couldn't face it. She felt awful about the excuse, and mentally cringed.

Lucy cursed at her forgetfulness. Now she'd made a complete fool of herself in front of Erza. Time for a quick exit!

"Oh sure... no worries! Catch you later!" she said, as she scooted out of the guildhall, before Erza could get another word in. Happy shot after Lucy, who was waiting out of sight of the guild. Like Erza, she was cringing into her hands.

"Come on, Happy. Let's go. And can we _please_ forget that ever happened..!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Take that, you great big oaf!" yelled Lucy, aiming a final kick at the beast. It groaned deeply as her foot made contact with it's belly, and crashed face-down onto the ground. It now lay motionless.

"Oh right!" she squealed happily. "Nice one, gang!" She high-fived Happy, Loke and Taurus. "Thanks for all your hard work today, guys. You can go back to the spirit world now - I'm sure you've got things to be doing!"

"No problem, any time Lucy," said Loke, brushing the dust from his suit, before disappearing.

"Hey, Miss Luuuuuucy, don't I get a smooooooch first?"

"NO TAURUS, YOU DON'T!" screeched Lucy, "DON'T BE SUCH A PERVERT!" Taurus pretended to cry, as he disappeared after Loke. Happy was beside himself.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! He luurrves _you_!"

"Shut up, cat!"

"Ha-OW!"

Meanwhile, Natsu and Gray had also successfully completed their mission.

"Last one back to the guild is a stinky dragon egg!"

"You're on, Flamethrower!"

The pair tore off in the direction of home, having had an enjoyable few hours doing what they loved: beating up the bad guys! And the mission had proved to them both - not that they'd even think of discussing it with each other - that although they always put on a front of dislike for each other, they cared deeply about their comrade. They knew that if it ever came to it, they wouldn't hesitate to lay down their lives for one another. But as for stopping their regular fights, Erza could dream on!

Lucy and Happy were taking the journey home much more gently than the other two. After collecting their reward in good time, they decided to rest up for a bit.

"Well we do deserve it!" said Lucy, happily. "I'll buy you a big fish as soon as we get home. You were great out there Happy, your combat skills are really improving!"

"OOH thanks Lu-lu! You're not so scary after all."

"Hey, watch it," Lucy stuck her tongue out at the blue exceed. They finished resting, and decided to start walking again. Happy flew alongside Lucy, as they ambled through the forest. Lucy's thoughts drifted to the guild members, and then to Erza. Was she really as happy as she appeared?

"Hey, Happy?"

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Can I ask you something? Oh, and don't tell Natsu. It's about Erza."

Happy shivered.  
"Aye sir! Don't worry, I wouldn't - Erza's too scary to disobey!"

"Relax Happy!" Lucy laughed. "So, well, um, I need your opinion on this... do you think Erza is okay? I mean I know she's had a rough past, but it seems like there's something bothering her _now. _It's almost like there's something going on in her head, getting the better of her and dragging her down, more and more each day. She hides it so well, but sometimes she seems so distant, and I'm sure it's getting worse. We were all such good friends, but now... I just feel like she's faking it all around us. Maybe it's just me being too thoughtful, I don't know. Maybe _I _have the problem!"

Happy thought about this for a moment.  
"Don't worry yourself, Lucy! Erza's Erza: the strongest wizard I know! She's probably fine, we all know she's pretty awkward with people... but nothing will _ever _beat her - why - if she ever had any problems, they'd probably run away from her in terror!"

Lucy giggled at Happy's impressions of Erza defeating 'problems', and decided to drop the subject.

"Hahaha! Okay. I'm sure you're right Happy. Sorry, all my thoughts just flowed out. It's probably nothing. So, how are you and Carla getting along at the moment?"

At this point, Happy took the opportunity to offload all of his worldly problems to Lucy's patient listening ears. Luckily for Lucy, she was easily able to give Happy the advice he needed to help with the majority of his situations.

"Ah Happy. I hope it goes well for you and Carla, I really do. Heaven knows I could use a bit of luck in my love life." Lucy had said that last part quietly, however Happy's sharp ears still picked up on it. And unfortunately, misunderstood.

"Aww Lucy! I know there's a perfect guy out there for you. Even if you don't realize it now, when he confesses his love to you, you'll realize you felt the same way all along and -" Happy broke off in a squeal of excitement. Lucy sighed.

"I really hope you're joking with me. I'd feel so terrible if there was somebody who liked me in that way, and I couldn't return it..." she trailed off, not bothering to explain herself.  
She was sure that he wouldn't understand. It wasn't that there was nobody she liked. There _was_ someone. Just not the sort of someone he was... expecting. She prayed that Happy was just messing with her, and didn't have some silly secret he'd almost spilled.

Still, she began to get slightly worried, so she abruptly changed the subject for the remainder of the journey home. When they arrived back in Magnolia, the two parted cheerfully, Happy shooting off towards Natsu's place (he'd been back ages), while Lucy headed home. She let herself in, with a sigh of relief and headed straight into the bathroom for a nice hot shower.  
Everything else could wait for now.


End file.
